Who is Loyal?
by RavenWriteWing
Summary: Also known as Nihilism, Motives, and Loyalty. Ulquiorra was not as loyal as everyone thought. The war is over and Grimmjow reflects on this. Originally just the idea that Ulquiorra was not loyal to Aizen and became a story. Please read and review.


I'm not very good with titles. This was just an idea I had when I realized that Ulquiorra was not as loyal as it seemed. I'm not claiming it is good, in honesty it is actually just an idea which I posted. So I have set this after the war from Grimmjow's perspective considering there is a high probability he is alive. I did not want to make anything up just use facts from the anime but in the end it became more of a story, a "what happened to Grimmjow?" idea as well. So the first half consists of facts and events from the anime, the end is from the Bleach Ulquiorra Unmasked book. I've ranted enough please R&R.

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><p>Ulquiorra Schiffer, Cuatro Espada, Aizen's most prized, his lap dog, his most loyal subordinate, or so they thought. Or so <em>we <em>thought considering I was included in that group. But now I think I know the truth, Ulquiorra was all an act, he was not a lap dog, and he was not loyal, in fact, he might have been more disloyal than me. And that is really saying something.

Sure he followed orders, added 'sama' to the end of Aizen's name, bowed down to him, fought anyone who challenged Aizen. He followed orders to the very last detail and would do anything for Aizen. Hell, the guy ripped out his eye on multiply occasions for his 'lord'. But if you really analyze it, it would appear that Ulquiorra Schiffer did everything in his power to make, or attempt to make Aizen fall.

Ulquiorra went to the world of the living with orders to kill Kurosaki Ichigo, the substitute Shinigami, and yet he did not. He returned saying that Ichigo was trash, not worth killing and of no threat to Aizen and his plans. He also said that should Ichigo reach a point where he would become a threat he would personally take care of him. But when we all watched the fight through Ulquiorra's eye I noticed the kid was strong and he had potential, even if Ulquiorra claimed his inner hollow would kill him, I could feel that Ichigo would master it and grow even stronger.

When Ulquiorra returned from the world of the living he also brought a severely damaged Yammy with him. Yammy being the Decima and Ulquiorra the Cuatro Yammy is his subordinate and as his superior it was Ulquiorra's job to unsure he stayed safe. The guy lost an arm and if they didn't bring it back or had it not been a clean cut Yammy would have fallen out of the Espada and we would have been short much too close to the war. I know Ulquiorra didn't really like Yammy but what was he trying to accomplish allowing him to be beaten like that?

Finally on the day he went to the world of the living he had ordered Yammy to kill Orihime Inoue. I didn't see this from his eye but I was informed later by Yammy. Ulquiorra had analysed the girl first and said he deemed her of no use to Aizen but Aizen, after seeing her powers through Ulquiorra's eye, thought otherwise. That woman became very important in the war, not just because she was a hostage and we managed to lure a bunch of Shinigami to Hueco Mundo, but because Aizen's original plan involved her waking the Hōgyoku. This leads me to the conclusion that Ulquiorra was trying to prevent Aizen from achieving his goals.

When we finally captured Inoue he took his damn time. Once again he allowed his subordinates to be beaten down by Vizards, lieutenant class and higher Shinigami, and the twerp Ichigo himself, who had gained a new power. Even though he made a prior claim that he would personally kill Kurosaki if he grew stronger he did not, nor did he try to harm anyone who later took part in defeating Aizen. Although I must admit until this day I had yet to think of him as anything but loyal. This day was when my suspicions began.

Ulquiorra was in charge of looking after the woman but not to get close to her. Yet many of us noticed that he was frequently visiting her, too much to be safe, was he growing attached to her? I had to eavesdrop and I found he more or less, in his Ulquiorra way (not that the bitch would understand it), was asking her about the heart. He had his weird obsession with hearts we all knew that but to disobey Aizen to question her about bonds, friendship, loyalty, emotions, I had always thought he put Aizen before everything.

He disobeyed again when he purposely engaged in battle with Kurosaki, he said he would kill him, and yet he failed to do so. He defeated him but it was quite clear that he would not die. By doing so he also left the woman unprotected and Loly and Menoly took advantage of that. I felt him in his room taking his sweet time as Aizen's bitches messed with the woman going as far as to attempting to kill her. I stepped in though, destroyed them, and took the woman to Kurosaki, I wanted to fight him.

The moment I mentioned Ulquiorra's name I felt him Sonído from across Las Noches to our location. I was ignorant and I'll admit it, there was no way I was going to miss a fight with this kid, I had to get my revenge for my Fracción and my scar. I foughtUlquiorra, it didn't last long, but it was as if he was taunting me, not drawing his sword, his impassive look, how his Reiatsu never reached even half of his full strength. And when I went to use Caja Negación he made it appear as if he did not know where I was, but I was damn sure he did.

I was defeated to say the least I was pissed that Nnoitra ruined my chances, he had turned on me and tried to kill me, what was worse was Kurosaki saved mehis _enemy_. Not wanting to be killed I had dragged myself away from the battle. I lay inside one of the corridors of Las Noches fighting unconsciousness and death. I kept falling into the black only to pull myself back again.

I felt the captains arrive and the Espada fall. I heard Aizen as he spoke to everyone and as he took the top three Espada, their Fracción, and his comrades to the world of the living. I felt Ulquiorra break out of the Caja Negación, which I should not have considering his Reiatsu should have been vastly spent. I fell unconscious for a while.

When I woke up I felt Ulquiorra in his Resurrección, as well as the substitute Shinigami on the dome, almost above me. At least I assumed it was his Resurrección because his Reiatsu was much more dense than I had ever felt it, the pure pressure it placed on me, creasing my breathing, making me weak, also what other reason would he have for fighting on the dome? He had the advantage, he would win, it appeared Kurosaki was at his limit, I could barely feel the kid, I felt bad for him.

And then it happened. I felt the other Shinigami momentarily crease their fighting, I felt the Quincy and the woman's shock as they were heading up to the dome. A change in Ulquiorra's Reiatsu, it grew _stronger, _I couldn't fucking _breath. _It was as if he entered his Resurrección, but hadn't he already been in his Resurrección? My mind wrapped around an impossible thought, what if, all those hours Ulquiorra spent in the desert, far away from Las Noches, so far no one knew where he was, what if, he had developed a _second_ Resurrección? Was it even possible? I had to see.

I tried to drag myself to the dome. I got out of the building I was in, and past the corpses of Nnoitra and Tesla, I saw Yammy fighting in his Resurrección, when he became the 'Cero' Espada, che, my ass, the only reason Aizen let him be 'Cero' in Resurrección was so that he would stop breaking everything in Las Noches throwing one of his fits about how he was strongest.

Kurosaki's Reiatsu completely disappeared when I collapsed looking up at the hole in the dome. Was he…dead? I felt the Quincy begin to fight with Ulquiorra as I assumed the woman was trying to reject Kurosaki's death. Ulquiorra was playing with them _playing_. Aizen said he was done with the woman, and both she and the Quincy are nothing, he could kill them both with a flick of his wrist. He appeared to be waiting, waiting for what?

A large hollow Reiatsu joined the others up on the dome. It was stronger than Ulquiorra's easily surpassing any of the Espada. Wait… was that Kurosaki's? I felt Ulquiorra fight his Reiatsu growing weaker. Suddenly I had to use what is left of my own Reiatsu to Sonído away. I was panting and my vision was blurring as a huge red Cero blasted through the dome, right where I lay immobile not mere seconds ago. How badly did my body demand rest but I denied it that, even if it would result in my own death. That Cero had defiantly been Kurosaki's, and Ulquiorra's Reiatsu was gone, completely gone!

A flicker, he was alive, Ulquiorra was alive, barely. The hollow Reiatsu disappeared leaving behind the familiar Reiatsu of Kurosaki Ichigo. Ulquiorra's own grew stronger for a second before it started to rapidly fray. There is no other way I can describe it his Reiatsu was fraying, as if he himself had been a ribbon with a loose end and now someone was pulling that thread to unravel him.

When his Reiatsu completely disappeared I passed out, for quite some time I lay bleeding, possibly dying, under the dome of Las Noches, that artificial blue sky. Before it faded away I felt Ulquiorra's Reiatsu _warm_ as if he had become a spring breeze or something with pleasant memories. I suppose it was my curiosity holding me on for that long, and now that Ulquiorra was gone, dead, and I figured he had gone in peace, I could no longer remain aware of my surroundings, the darkness consumed me.

I later woke up in the medical ward with some medical Arrancar surrounding me. There was loud pounding at the door and what sounded like rioting. I was informed that Aizen had lost, that his comrades, as well as the rest of the Espada and their Fracción were dead. The people outside, Arrancar outside, wanted me dead, they wanted rid of Aizen and everything he had done, that included me. The ones inside either were neutral or wanted to go save Aizen and kill Kurosaki for defeating him. Personally, minus the me dying part, I was on the side outside the door, but I was not going to say that when I was weakened to a state I was incapable of movement with a hundred or so Arrancar in the room.

"What should we do now Grimmjow-sama?" They asked me. As if I knew or cared. The Shinigami had won because of Kurosaki Ichigo whom Ulquiorra could have killed on a multitude of occasions. I told them all I knew right then was that I wanted to rest and I did, until it no longer was safe for me and the two opposing sides of the Arrancar commenced fighting each other. Before I could be attacked I claimed I was leaving Las Noches and did not care about what any of them did. About a third of the living followed me, some tried to stop me, and I killed them. When we exited Las Noches I split away from the others claiming I did not want their shitty company and that if they tried to follow me I would kill them.

I am bored, very bored. Although Aizen granted me vast power with the aid of the Hōgyoku he also put a limit on how much power I could have. I ate other hollow and even some Arrancar I came across just to fill the void. I did not gain Reiatsu from them, nor did I come a step closer to a Vasto Lorde. I need not consume souls in fear of regression for I cannot regress. I am bored. I have lost my fire, my will to fight. If something attacks me, I kill it. If I feel hollow I'll kill something to eat. I do not kill things to quench my bloodlust any more. I feel I am no longer the element of destruction. I never understood why the Espada stood for elements of death, I didn't think death had elements, but perhaps I am dying for I feel them now.

I feel alone although I do not wish to travel with anyone, they are too weak for me. I try to escape the past but am filled with despair because I can't, Las Noches is a reminder, the scars on my body are reminders, everything makes me remember. When I look back at Las Noches I see it in ruins, destroyed, partly because of my own destruction. I feel the pain of sacrifice, I do not believe anyone wanted this, except maybe the Shinigami and now many lay dead. I feel the intoxication of my being, my hollowness, the need to consume, although I do not understand why I do. I feel insane, sometimes I want to end it, sometime I have strange dreams, sometimes I think of going to the world of the living to either join the Shinigami or avenging my kind. I am greedy, I am only caring about myself, I do not care what happens to the other Arrancar, I am not saddened by the deaths of the Espada, I only wish I was full, I was not broken, I was not lonely. At times I even feel old, like my body is aging that if I lay down to rest I will not get up because my body will rot and turn to sand. I am angry with myself, with Aizen, with the Shinigami for reducing me to this, I wish the whole ordeal never occurred. But most of all I feel empty.

I am always hollow but now I feel grossly void, empty. It's some weird form of humour I identify my need for souls as empty, void, and hollow, I identify what I have become as Ulquiorra. He was the element of nihilism, the belief that nothing is worthwhile, the total rejection of social mores, that pretty much sums me up nowadays. The only thing I have to do is question what is and what was. For example: What was Ulquiorra's motive?

So here I stand, staring up at the Hueco Mundo sky, the never changing waxing crescent. I tried to go up to it a while ago. I Sonídoed up and up and up, it was as though I was stationary despite the fact the ground was farther and farther away and the fact I was becoming increasingly tired with each Sonído. No matter how far I went it never seemed closer, my Sonído could easily take me a kilometre each time so after a few thousand of those I would have reached the human moon, but ours was something impossible to grasp.

When I was up there I saw something quite interesting. In the far distance I saw glowing. I was not aware of anything in Hueco Mundo other than the moon that produced light so I went to check it out. There were these strange translucent objects that dotted this world, few and far apart. It is large, colourless, scentless, soundless. I recall now that this must have been where Ulquiorra was found. Aizen often sent us in search of hollow worthy of his power. We were astonished when he came back one day with a Vasto Lorde, Ulquiorra, in tow, for we had search endlessly for anything processing such Reiatsu. When we inquired as to where he found the hollow he described this place, or rather, this thing perhaps was what he described. How pathetic, Ulquiorra was basically my worst enemy and now it is as if he is my role model.

I am tempted to sink myself into this thing, this thing that appears void. I know Ulquiorra did, it is not death, for Ulquiorra was alive, well all hollow are already dead but, whatever. I asked him once about it, after being called trash he explained that it was the closest thing he had to sleep until becoming an Arrancar. It is tempting, to do the same, to sleep. Or artificial sleep, he said there was nothing, and that is exactly what I want, no dreams, no emotions, no mixed feelings, no what if's. I do not want to do anything, I do not want to become 'good', I do not want to feel hollow, I do not want to be confused like this. And there that thing is, in front of me, like alcohol in front of an addict, a drug in front of a druggie, or a knife in the hands of a cutter. I am torn. I also do not like the idea of being asleep forever or until someone wakes me up, although I will not die, it could be millions of years before I do wake up. I do not know how long Ulquiorra was here, I did not ask. I wish I had.

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I close my eyes…

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><p>Well that is it. Feel free to flame if you want, any reviews will be taken. Anonymous reviews can also be submitted for those who do not have accounts.<p> 


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